Beyond the Looking Glass
by Ditto Jessie
Summary: This is a one shot of Anthy, thinking about her life before and after Ohtori, using the mirror in one of her hotel rooms. It is set after the end of the series so if you don’t want some of the anime spoiled, don’t read.


This is a one shot of Anthy, thinking about her life before and after Ohtori, using the mirror in one of her hotel rooms. It is set after the end of the series so if you don't want some of the anime spoiled, don't read. I'm not responsible for ruining the ending. Though most Utena fanfiction authors have already done that.  
  
As you probably know by now, I don't own the Utena series, Anthy Himemiya, or any characters mentioned in this story. B-Papas, Saito Chiho, TV Tokyo and Shogaku-san own the characters and original plot line. I like reviews! They bring my ego up. So please review, even if you hated the thing. I hope you enjoy it!  
  
Oh, and just so you know, DJ is a big UtenaxAnthy person. I'm sorry but, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. And this fic definitely implies such a relationship. So you have been warned. If you don't like it, vamoose. ^_^ _____________________________________________  
  
I haven't looked into a mirror since I left the Ohtori Academy to find her. That may seem like a big deal to you but that's because you're human. Humans obsess over mirrors. You look at them all the time because you want to see yourself. You look at them every morning because you have to see what a night of sleep or lack of it did to you. You even look at them before you leave the house so that you can make sure that the world can see the beautiful person you are.  
  
Witches have no need for such things.  
  
We know who we are simply because we don't change. We know that after tumbling around in sleep that our hair will stick up a bit. We have no desire to look for the beautiful us because the beauty in us doesn't exist. We don't need to obsess over ourselves because there's nothing to obsess over. We don't want to look at ourselves because we're-  
  
We're ugly.  
  
Lots of people told me how ugly I was while I was at Ohtori. It was a game to them-I was a pawn for them. A little doll that could be slapped around and that could tickle their fancy on command. I was just there to preside over the duels and to help them get to the castle. To Touga and Saionji, I was just a reminder of the innocent boy he wants to be. To Nanami, I was as harmful and helpless as her brother's cat. To Juri, I was a faded picture locked into a locket she would never be able to open. To Miki, I was the imperfection that he wanted to see.  
  
Yes, I knew all their secrets. I know all their secrets. Witches are supposed to know these things. No matter how old they'll get, I'll still know every piece of hair on their head and the way to persuade them into cutting that strand off. They could feel that I saw all those things and that's what made them all ignore me in their own ways. That's what caused some of them to try and hurt me.  
  
But I can't be hurt. Princesses can be hurt. The more pain they gave to me, the more I wanted to cause them. So I worked with my brother against them slowly so I could savor my revenge. I slowly drove Saionji mad by haunting his dreams with that day in the church and by doing little things like smiling at another student. I got to Touga through hurting Utena even though he's too proud to admit it. Nanami, Juri, and Miki were easy. All you needed to do was act innocent around them and they went insane. I wonder if they're still hurting now. Probably not. They probably don't even remember me. Like I said, they never cared about me.  
  
Only three people ever truly cared what happened to me: the prince, the devil and the tomboy. God, what a cheering section. I've let all of them down in my long lifetime. I was so selfish that I kept trying to kill myself by doing their stupid demands. I was so selfish that I had to keep information about the castle and the duels to myself. I was so selfish that I had to keep Dios away from the princesses. I was so selfish that I stabbed---  
  
I stepped in front of the mirror of my hotel room.  
  
They're wrong! They're all horridly wrong. I have bright, huge green eyes and long, wavy purple hair. I wear a pink dress with a pink hat because so long ago, Princess Anthy liked the colors pink and red. There are so many things in my past life that were pink and red, the color of purity and the color of sin. Red was the color of my brother's car, my Rose Bride dress, the sun when I got up so early to tend to dueling business. Pink is the color of my first brother's smile, my roses in my garden, and Utena's hair.  
  
My Utena's hair.  
  
My.Utena.  
  
When I look at myself now, I see what you wanted me to be and what you saw in me. I see the sociable girl who giggles at one of your jokes and the girl who makes snacks for her friends. I see the princess who wanted to save her brother and hid him because of love. I see the girl who kept secrets away from her new brother so that she could save him from himself. I see the fiancee who had to hurt her prince so that she could be saved from everybody.  
  
I see.  
  
I see where I can find you.  
  
I haven't looked in a mirror since I left the Ohtori Academy to find her. That seems like a big deal to me because I'm human. Us humans obsess over mirrors. I look at them all the time so that I can see myself and look for love in my green eyes. I look in the hotel mirror as I pack my bags because I want my beautiful self to be out when I find you. I look at them in the morning so I can see that I don't have to be a perfect wind-up doll anymore.  
  
Princesses have needs for such things. 


End file.
